Embrace Resiliency, Take on Mistakes With Grace

It is 4:00 PM Thursday and you have just clicked send on a confidential email to your client list. Before you take your sigh of relief and satisfaction, your inbox begins chiming with urgent replies. Soon after, the sinking feeling of the dreaded mistake is kicking you in the gut.

You understand now that the email was sent to the wrong client list and nausea from self-doubt seeps inside and burrows in every vein it seems.

How? Why do we make mistakes?

We are exceptional creations. Designed with the fight, flight, and freeze impulses to keep us safe. An immune system that supports our health. The internal energy and resources to heal. The ability to conceive and build empires larger than us. Yet, none of us have ever avoided the common error, blunder, snafu, or miscalculation.

Exceptional. Not perfect.

It is not as if we make them excessively either, but when they happen, it becomes the apex of our world. For hours or days, it is all we can think about. We replay the event repeatedly in our heads, wishing for the magic ability to wipe the slate clean.

Sometimes, we do not even know what we would do differently if we could wipe the slate clean. Additionally, we have not taken the time to process the implications of the mistake.

Our impulses are to respond quickly, which may result in yet another mistake. Then we assault ourselves. The assault can be physical, verbal, or both but it begins with the palm to the forehead. Then we stop breathing, clench our teeth and tense our bodies. We cannot hear anything around us because we are screaming inside. Then we kick ourselves with words.

“That was so obvious. Seriously.”

“What were you thinking?”

We forget that indeed we are exceptional and that life itself is extraordinary anyway. Even in forgetfulness, distractions, and confusion, that we exist is profound. In honour of that, here are five options that embrace resiliency:

1. SHARE THE STORY WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS YOUR BEST INTEREST IN MIND

Being selective about with whom you share brings you out of the guilt spiral. You are out of the internal conflict, and now your thoughts become more strategic rather than expelling energy in the reactive state.

Who do you know that is compassionate, a good listener, and knows how incredible you are? Connect with them and be thoughtful about the time you ask of this person.

This is a sharing session, not a dumping session:

• Give yourself 2-3 minutes to share. The shortened time allows for focus and clarity.

• Take 3-4 minutes to ideate solutions, if that is another role of this person.

• Intentionally transition the last minutes to connecting.

• Leave in gratitude. Specifically, share one way the talk made you feel.

2. ACCEPT GRACE AND THEN FACE THE MISTAKE

You are a responsible person who works hard and knows what is important. This is why it is crucial to give yourself the benefit of a pause.

• Acknowledge that you made a mistake. Do not avoid it or hide it.

• Focus on what is impacted, not yourself or your pride. This births positive solutions of magnitude.

• Accept it and let it go. I know it is hard, but not impossible; you have done it before.

3. PIVOT POSITIVELY

Part of our obsession with this mistake is that we believe it has brought unwanted attention to ourselves. Maybe it has and you might as well continue to shine.

• Inventory what went wrong before rushing to fix anything. Correct the inventoried list if possible.

• In what ways can you improve the process so that others might benefit?

• Is this an opportunity to step up your communication skills and learning?

• What are some things you can do to invite more focus?

4. PRAISE YOURSELF

Be genuine about the praise you give. Say it, feel it, and own it. If this is atypical for you, it might feel uncomfortable so make a list that you can read to yourself.

• What accomplishments or successes from weeks or months prior have made you feel proud?

• How did you overcome challenging aspects of a project or issue? What skills did you use?

• Recall those feelings and bring them into your now.

We want to get out of the guilt and shame spiral, but it can be tricky when panic and disappointment are quickly settling in. With practice, we can strengthen our resiliency and reset for success sooner. It does not mean the mistake is unimportant. We do not minimize the impacts or shift the blame. We desire to recover quickly because we are aware of and care about what is at stake.

From my soul, to your soul,

Dana van Ness

Master Life Coach, Exceptional You